She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Let's get the cat blown out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
