her vagine was all disorganized.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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