Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
