Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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