my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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