I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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