i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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