i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
my liver is dry heaving
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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