I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
