yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
