I love black thongs
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
