By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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