Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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