Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
