this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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