I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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