"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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