I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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