STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
