i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
