so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
