i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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