some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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