Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
