I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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