She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
