think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
