yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
