So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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