just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
