i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
