He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
