I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
