I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
