I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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