I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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