Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
