he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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