forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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