i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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