dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
