she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
