I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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