Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dear god my vagina.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
