i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
