you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
