after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
