He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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