do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
