So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love you. Go after that dick
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
