My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
