I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
