i don't like sucking hair
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
