Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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